i think i had my first real panic attack last week. i totally blew it off at the time, but now, in hindsight, it was kind of a big deal. i find the time during which i’m trying to get to sleep, to be the most difficult and stressful to me. my brain is in overdrive, it almost feels like it is pulsing with insanity. i know everyone experiences that, right? it’s not just me? anyway, the usual subjects freak me out, immensely. i didn’t really think much about it until i realized i have not been really sleeping since then. friday night, up most of the night, sunday night, up most of the night, etc. etc. you get the picture.
so i hope things in my brain settle down. the strange thing is that i have felt relatively peaceful in general, aside from this distubance. things are good. things are normal. things are not drama filled. i like it.
i don’t know how it happened, but for the most part, i’m taking a break from fretting. if x happens, it happens, and if y happens, then i’ll deal with it. fretting was getting me nowhere, fast. for the first time in forever, i am just letting it all go. i catch myself fretting, but try really really really hard to put the squash on it.
while i’m thinking about letting go, i thought about how i have these rules for myself, i don’t even really think of them as rules, but yesterday a friend reminded me that yeah, i call them the rules. how can i reconcile the rules while letting go? the rules are more like standards, so maybe that’ll help me keep both? don’t know. guess i’m just as confused as EVER.
